    
Marriage Advice -Civil Unrest in
marriage
The Problem
Mark and I are very different
in many aspects. However, when it comes to planning
for the future we always try to ensure that we are
on the same page. Not only are we willing to listen
to the other person’s dreams and make compromises,
we have shared dreams. You need to ensure that you
have shared dreams about your spiritual life,
finances, career, furthering your education,
purchasing a home or car, when to have children, how
to raise your children, educating your children and
the list goes on. If a house is divided against
itself it will come to ruin. When we look at many
countries that are constantly experiencing unrest,
it is because of civil wars. There are opposing
sides with varying views about how and who should
govern their country.
Today, many marriages are like
civil wars. The wife wants to send the kids to the
school down the road and the husband wants to send
them up the road. The wife wants an SUV and the
husband insists on getting a sports car. The husband
wants to vacation in the Caribbean and the wife
wants to vacation in Europe. No one wants to
compromise, no one thought of sitting down and
having a civil conversation to explore what is
better for the family at large.
Always remember that you cannot
change the past but the future is what you make it.
If you are experiencing civil unrest in your
marriage make a decision to implement some changes
today. Let us look at two solutions that can get you
started.
The Solution - Consult Your Spouse
After seeing the heading
“Consult Your Spouse,” some of you may be asking,
“why should I, do you think I am a child?” Although
we are not children this is a practice that can save
you many disagreements. Consulting your spouse is
not seeking their permission, it is “team work”,
which allows you to make joint decisions that
everyone can live with in the end.
Bear in mind that our
decisions do not only affect ourselves, but the
other members in our family. You are no longer
single. Look at it this way. If you constantly make
poor independent financial decisions, your children
my not be able to go to college, you may not be able
to own a home as a family and the list goes on.
Another way of looking at this concept is “dreaming
together”. We need to be dreaming together about the
future and work towards it as a team. Many of our
accomplishments were as a result of us dreaming
together and over the years we have had many dreams.
So, the next time you are about to make a family
decision ensure that the parties involved have a say
in the end result.
The
Solution - Be Supportive
In
the same way it is important to get the support of
your family when making decisions, it is equally
important to be supportive of your spouse’s ideas.
If you constantly disregard or lessen the
significance of your spouse’s dreams when he or she
shares them with you, you do not give your spouse
the confidence to seek your input. Your spouse will
be tempted to go it alone. The next time you are
tempted to be critical or negative take the time to
work through the ideas. Look at the benefits and
negatives together and allow your spouse to see for
himself or herself if it is worth pursuing or not,
then make a decision together. Sometimes you may not
agree with an idea because of personal preference,
if this is your general tendency you will continue
to have civil unrest in your family. You too need to
ensure that you are putting the overall need of your
family above your personal likes and dislikes.
By Lesia Gregory
© Mark & Lesia
Gregory – All Rights Reserved 2009.
www.marriagethermometer.com
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