Setting Boundaries Can Save Your Marriage From Cheating and Other Marriage Problems

Every marriage needs to have boundaries. Without them, you are basically telling your spouse that anything goes. Then when one of you messes up the other feels betrayed, upset and hurt. If you have boundaries you can help protect yourself, your spouse and your marriage in general.

Set Boundaries in Your Marriage

Each marriage has to determine what kinds of boundaries they need to set in order to safeguard their fidelity, honesty and cooperation.

The conscious or unconscious boundaries you had when you were single would need to be shifted to either include or exclude certain practices. You need to have some restrictions on the type of interaction you have with individuals outside of your marriage.

Your boundaries would also include how you relate to each other and your children. These boundaries need to be discussed as a couple then you decide on what would be considered an appropriate or inappropriate behavior and what the consequences are if they are violated.

At the beginning of every marriage you need to determine what these boundaries are and what would be in violation of your boundaries. If you did not do that and you have been married for a while it is not too late.

Your boundaries can include:

Interaction with the opposite sex - Is it appropriate for you or your spouse to have dinner, go to the movies or spend any kind of leisure time with members of the opposite sex (this excludes family members of course)?

Set boundaries for your children so that alone times are not interrupted or compromised. After having children many couples stop doing the things that kept them close and in love with each other

Conflict Resolution - How long will you allow a conflict to last? In a Poll of over 3,000 married adults conducted by OnePoll.com 14% of couples have a tendency to storm out of the room before an argument has been resolved and 6 out of 10 people refuse to kiss and make up quickly, preferring to sulk rather than admit they are in the wrong.

Too many couples find it difficult to say these simple words, "I am sorry". They cost nothing but are some of the most powerful words that can help save your marriage. When was the last time you had a conflict and you were the first to say I am sorry?

What type of tone is acceptable when having a disagreement? Many couples shout at each other, use curse words or disrespectful and sarcastic tones to each other. However, when the argument is over, you cannot take back what was said.

Because of this, many couples have underlying bitterness and resentment that can ultimately destroy their marriages.

Keeping Secrets - Make a decision that you will talk to each other about everything that involves your family. No matter how difficult some things may be to talk about.

However, before doing this, both of you need to establish some guidelines.

1. There can be no judging or condemning

2. You need to respect each other's opinions

3. Do not make your spouse feel belittled or uncomfortable after they have exposed their heart to you

4. Be willing to forgive and do not use their openness as a weapon in subsequent arguments etc.

5. Do not interrupt or finish their sentences when they are speaking

6. Do not give your spouse the silent treatment after they are finished. This will push them away and they will never again be totally open and honest

Set boundaries for your sex life - What is appropriate and what is inappropriate. Many couples go through their marriages not really knowing how to truly satisfy each other. Because of this sex becomes a chore or is extremely uncomfortable and there is no true pleasure experienced.

Wives, if sex is painful, let your husband know. Husbands if you have a certain fantasy that will not violate your religious or ethical beliefs then let your spouse know. The only guideline here is tact. Your likes and dislike should be said with genuine love and a desire to meet each other's needs.

I have seen too many couples venture outside their marriages for satisfaction because they were afraid to open up to their spouses. Do not let this happen to you.

This list is no where near exhaustive. So, you need to look at your particular situation and see it you have just been playing it by air or if there are established boundaries. If not take the time to add to this list and set some boundaries for your marriage.

Protect Your Boundaries

Now, it is one thing to set boundaries and it is another to follow through. You need to have an attitude that no matter what happens you will not compromise on your boundaries and you will not allow anyone to cross the line.

Ensure that once you see someone crossing the line you put up your guards. If you find yourself coming close to compromising, ensure that you speak to your spouse about it. If you do this as a practice they you will be able to help each other stay faithful and strong.

Too often couples allow small things to slide that eventually become mountains and at this point it is too late to do anything about it.

Written By Lesia Gregory
Marriage Thermometer

5 Temperatures of Marriage - Which Temperature are You Experiencing?

One phrase for a Cold Marriage could be "Self Inflicting Torture". You are hurting and unhappy but continue down the same path for years. Unresolved conflicts, disrespect, or infidelity is driving a wedge between you and your spouse.

Maybe your marriage isn't Cold and it is definitely not Steaming Hot. Instead, it is Lukewarm. You and your spouse genuinely love each other but are constantly arguing and one of you has discovered the "Vex Room". You are simply going through the routines of marriage.

Maybe you are separated and want to reconcile with your spouse. You really do not want a divorce.

If you can relate in anyway, you have come to the right place for help.

Always remember that any marriage, will FAIL, if left unattended.

Over the years we have seen many failed marriages that could have survived if couples were willing to follow Godly principles. They were unwilling to invest the "time, energy and resources needed to have great marriages. Continue Reading 4

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